I blame the teenage mothers

Never a frown, is there Gordon Brown? Unless you’re frowning at teenage mothers that is.

(Thanks to Cath Elliott for the text from the speech.)

And I do think it’s time to address a problem that for too long has gone unspoken…

That’s right, Gord, it’s gone unspoken. Because nobody ever blamed teenage mothers before.

the number of children having children. For it cannot be right, for a girl of sixteen, to get pregnant,

She just “gets pregnant”? What, by herself? What, teenage mothers have some kind of parthenogenesis going on?

be given the keys to a council flat and be left on her own.

Because why Gordon? Why can’t it be right? What are you so afraid the teenage mother will do?

And why all this talk of council flats anyway? Some teenage mothers rent privately, some live with their parents, some live with their partners (you didn’t say, Gordy, but are you talking about all teenage mums or just the wayward girls?) Surely you can’t be calling up that old trope “teenage mothers get themselves pregnant just to get a council flat” can you? To appeal to the Daily Mail reading contingent? No, can’t be that.

From now on all 16 and 17 year old parents who get support from the taxpayer

So, that’s all of them then? I mean, child benefit isn’t means tested but it comes from the taxpayer. And note the change from “mother” to “parent”. Is it parents, Gord? Or just mothers? Can you make yourself clearer please?

will be placed in a network of supervised homes. These shared homes will offer not just a roof over their heads,

“Will be placed” Gordon? That doesn’t sound very consensual to me, do these wayward girls young welfare queens teenage mothers teenage parents get a say in the matter?

These shared homes will offer not just a roof over their heads

Roof over their heads – but wouldn’t a council flat, you know, the same council flat you talked about earlier, wouldn’t that come with an added roof?

but a new start in life where they learn responsibility and how to raise their children properly.

They can’t be responsible without your help, Gordy? Without government help? Ah, here we come to the crux of the matter. Teenage mothers are all clearly irresponsible. After all, they couldn’t have chosen to have babies, at least, not for the Right Reasons. They couldn’t possibly be capable of bringing them up by themselves.

They need Golden Brown’s help via his network of borstals care homes to learn how to be Good Citizens and bring their babies up the NuLabour way. Maybe Claire Verity, Supernanny or Gina Ford can get them to tame the little tyrants and have them singing D:Ream to them to help them sleep through the night by two weeks.

ETA: when your policy is sounding suspiciously like BNP policy? It might be time for a rethink, Gordylocks.