Even the internet blames the mother.

Screencap of google search engine. "Bad fathering" is typed in. Google's suggestion underneath says "did you mean bad mothering?"

Screencap of google search engine. "Bad fathering" is typed in. Google's suggestion underneath says "did you mean bad mothering?"

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Would the real real woman please stand up?

Cristina Odone would like you to know that “real women” don’t want to work full-time. “Real women” find primary fulfilment as mothers. But she’s “not having a pop at working mothers”. She’s just saying they’re not real women.

Now, there’s something to (the reports of) her conclusions: yes, parents should have more freedom to choose to work outside the home or not; we should value parenting; economic contributions are not the only kind of contributions. But the big fat mother-blaming fail comes in the fact that this is all about mothers, nary a mention of the possibility that men could be fulfilled as at-home parents, and her choice of the term “real women”. Fuck you, Cristina Odone, you anti-feminist, anti-secularist, ranting pillock.

Paedophiles – whose fault? Guess.

I’ve never come across Helen Rumbelow before. I hope to goodness I never do again. For apparently, paedophiles are all our fault as mothers.

According to Ms Rumbelow:

For a day I sat with the detectives — all male, bar one — at the headquarters of the Child Exploitation and Online Protection Centre in London, as they trawled through the hundreds of thousands of images, videos and transcripts of online chat …

The perpetrators are overwhelmingly Western white males, and the victims are mostly female. … But there is something else that catches your eye in the corner of the frame: the ignorance of women.

So there we have it. It’s our ignorance that gets our children abused online. It’s not, you know, the people that do it. Nope. Not them. I mean, they can’t help it, can they?

When one man, posing as a teenager on a social networking site, pressured a schoolgirl to lift her shirt for him, you saw her checking her back. While sitting at the family computer in the middle-class living room, her mother kept walking in and out, and the girl picked the moment when her mum’s back was, literally, turned.

Yes, mothers – don’t blink. Don’t look away. Don’t turn your back. And don’t blink.  Because, if you do, it will all be your fault when something terrible happens. Heaven forbid you, you know, walk in and out, you know, doing things.

And “middle class living room“? Hey, be careful mothers with a Volvo parked out front – it can happen to you, it’s not just the working classes! Quick! Step away from polishing the John Lewis mahogany table and go and watch your daughter immediately!

In another case the pink bedroom where a male relative filmed the abuse — police tracked thousands of images for six years before they saved this girl — could not have been decorated by anyone other than an indulgent mother, so feminine and fond was the provision of pink cushions and knick-knacks.

Pink cushions and knick-knacks!? You’re just asking for a paedo to abuse your girl with those furnishings! Don’t indulge your daughter! Go for regulation coral from Laura Ashley (to match your middle class living room) and she’ll be fine! You didn’t realise that decorating your daughter’s bedroom makes it your fault if she’s abused?

Another man, to prove to his online friends that he had access to a baby to abuse, posted online a family snap he took of his daughter’s first birthday. There is his baby in their shiny kitchen, her unwitting mother staring at the camera with a smile full of love.

It’s the mother’s fault she didn’t suspect her partner of abusing their child? It’s her fault for saying “cheese” when he took a snap for the family album? She should have been looking with eyes of suspicion, like we should all look at our partners, if they’re male, because it’s our duty to suspect them of being paedophiles? (And, what is with Ms R’s obsession with furnishings – “shiny kitchen”? Because abuse normally happens in drab, working class kitchens? What?)

Of course female paedophiles exist — in less than 5 per cent of cases. And yes, the internet’s special talent is to bring together people with rare predilections, horribly so for Vanessa George and Angela Allen. But don’t let the shock of the uncommon blind you to who is a more likely threat to your child. Don’t be the woman in the corner of the room, back turned.

Ah, but be careful, lest you spend too long suspecting the men in your life. Because then it’ll be your fault for being a man-hater, too.

The abusers, of course, don’t have any responsibility for what they’ve done. No, it’s the mothers.

I blame the teenage mothers

Never a frown, is there Gordon Brown? Unless you’re frowning at teenage mothers that is.

(Thanks to Cath Elliott for the text from the speech.)

And I do think it’s time to address a problem that for too long has gone unspoken…

That’s right, Gord, it’s gone unspoken. Because nobody ever blamed teenage mothers before.

the number of children having children. For it cannot be right, for a girl of sixteen, to get pregnant,

She just “gets pregnant”? What, by herself? What, teenage mothers have some kind of parthenogenesis going on?

be given the keys to a council flat and be left on her own.

Because why Gordon? Why can’t it be right? What are you so afraid the teenage mother will do?

And why all this talk of council flats anyway? Some teenage mothers rent privately, some live with their parents, some live with their partners (you didn’t say, Gordy, but are you talking about all teenage mums or just the wayward girls?) Surely you can’t be calling up that old trope “teenage mothers get themselves pregnant just to get a council flat” can you? To appeal to the Daily Mail reading contingent? No, can’t be that.

From now on all 16 and 17 year old parents who get support from the taxpayer

So, that’s all of them then? I mean, child benefit isn’t means tested but it comes from the taxpayer. And note the change from “mother” to “parent”. Is it parents, Gord? Or just mothers? Can you make yourself clearer please?

will be placed in a network of supervised homes. These shared homes will offer not just a roof over their heads,

“Will be placed” Gordon? That doesn’t sound very consensual to me, do these wayward girls young welfare queens teenage mothers teenage parents get a say in the matter?

These shared homes will offer not just a roof over their heads

Roof over their heads – but wouldn’t a council flat, you know, the same council flat you talked about earlier, wouldn’t that come with an added roof?

but a new start in life where they learn responsibility and how to raise their children properly.

They can’t be responsible without your help, Gordy? Without government help? Ah, here we come to the crux of the matter. Teenage mothers are all clearly irresponsible. After all, they couldn’t have chosen to have babies, at least, not for the Right Reasons. They couldn’t possibly be capable of bringing them up by themselves.

They need Golden Brown’s help via his network of borstals care homes to learn how to be Good Citizens and bring their babies up the NuLabour way. Maybe Claire Verity, Supernanny or Gina Ford can get them to tame the little tyrants and have them singing D:Ream to them to help them sleep through the night by two weeks.

ETA: when your policy is sounding suspiciously like BNP policy? It might be time for a rethink, Gordylocks.