Girl’s Mother Caused Polanski to Rape

With Roman Polanski having been arrested in Switzerland on an outstanding US arrest warrant, the rape apologists have been coming out in droves.  However, we here at I Blame The Mother care about mother-blaming.  Luckily for us, the rape apologists have got that covered, too.  They figured out that Roman Polanski would not have raped a 13-year-old girl except for the girl’s mother!  Here’s Joan Z Shore, Co-founder of  Women Overseas for Equality (Belgium), over at the Huffington Post laying it out for us:

The 13-year old model “seduced” by Polanski had been thrust onto him by her mother, who wanted her in the movies.

As Amanda Hess, in her column over at the Washington City Paper, comments about Shore’s description:

So, Polanski is just a really special guy who was practically forced to have sex with that 13-year-old girl by her mother.

Brynn Caffey puts a slightly different spin on the mother-blaming in his comments on an article he wrote at the Bilerico Project.  He starts with this comnment:

Finally, her mother. What mother would let her 13-year-old daughter go on a photo shoot alone with a Hollywood director? And twice?! As a mother, I can tell you I would not, without a shadow of a doubt. This does lead one to question if her mother was knowingly looking to eventually profit from the encounter.

and follows it up later with this comment in case we missed that he was accusing the mother of deliberately sending her underaged daughter to get raped:

What is open to question is whether [the girl’s] primary victimizer was Polanski, or her mother. If the latter, it would certainly not be the first time a parent deliberately coached their child on how to behave and what to say afterwards, then callously pushed her into an exploitative situation with a Hollywood celebrity hoping it would result in a sexual encounter from which she could profit—financially or in other ways.

(Note: For those confused by my referring to Caffey, a mother, as “he”, this is because he is a transgender man.  I’ve also edited out his use of the girl’s name in his second comment.  I see no reason to continue victimising her more than has been and continues to be done.)

I prefer Caffey’s mother-blaming rape apologism to Shore’s not only because it’s more direct in the blaming, but because it always gives me an extra warm feeling when it’s a mother invoking motherhood to blame another mother.

Like beating yourself up? This book may be for you

Do you like having people tell you how horrible your kids are?

Do you enjoy being told that you are a bad parent?

If that is your idea of a good time, this book by Larry Winget may be for you. It reads like the bible of motherblame. From the press release:

ABOUT “YOUR KIDS ARE YOUR OWN FAULT” (Gotham Books; January 2010; Hardcover; $26.00).

This is not a fix-your-kid book. It’s a fix-the-way-you parent book. You owe it to your kids to parent with a plan. As Larry explains, “Why am I writing this book? Look around. Our kids are a mess! They are overmedicated, over-indulged, over-fed, over-weight, over-entertained, under-educated, under-achieving, under-disciplined, disrespectful, illiterate brats with a sense of entitlement that is crippling our society. And it has to change!”

Along with in-depth research and experience from raising his own kids, Winget makes sure you “don’t expect to change your kids’ behavior, unless you are willing to change your own.” He uses the same tough love approach that has made him a bestseller to make sure you are teaching your kids the right values to become productive adults and live a successful life.

WINGET tells you things you don’t necessarily want to hear or admit to, such as:

–You tell your kids they’re special. They’re not!

–You make your kids the most important thing in life. They’re not!

–You turn to medicine to fix everything. Don’t be lazy!

–You set a bad example. Your kids follow it.

Winget forces parents to take a good look at their own behaviors and make a change. He offers five basic principles but suggests it isn’t a matter of just doing them; it is how well you do them that counts.

This Winget guy sounds like a wing nut to me. On his website (not deserving of a link…look him up if you want) he calls himself the “pitbull of personal development” (FWIW I don’t like pitbulls). His other book is called “No Time For Tact”, which he very obviously demonstrated by bringing out this parentblame book. It sounds like it breaks all of the rules of appropriate parenting advice by trying to shame people into whipping their kids into shape. He is also on twitter and predictably is not following anyone and doesn’t reply to anyone…all one way communication. Just the guy I want to teach me to be a good person and a good parent.

I’d love to take my copy of The Nurture Assumption by Judith Rich Harris, which concludes “as for what’s wrong with you: don’t blame it on your parents” and whack him with it.

Thank you to Meagan Francis from The Happiest Mom who called out this idiot on twitter and forwarded the press release to me by e-mail.

Get raped in front of your kids in a parking garage? Your fault.

This one is a few weeks old by now, but a very unfortunate and current example of the classic blame the rape victim.

A woman was raped at gunpoint in the hotel parking garage in front of her two children at the Marriott Hotel in Stamford Connecticut.  The woman’s attacker is serving a 20-year prison term for the 2006 attack, but in the woman’s lawsuit against Marriot the company claimed that she:

failed to exercise due care for her own safety and the safety of her children and proper use of her senses and facilities.

Not only is this blaming the rape victim and blaming the mother, but in my opinion it is also Marriott admitting that its hotels are no safer than the worst neighbourhoods out there. Why would anyone stay at a hotel like that? You might as well just grab a mattress and throw it on the ground in an alley in a violent area.

To make matters worse, Marriott also wanted to be sure that everyone knew exactly which mother to blame, when it indirectly disclosed her and her children’s identities by seeking subpeonas for people like her pilates instructor, friends and tennis partners, house cleaner and baby sitter.

The company later retracted its “blame the victim” defense after it realized the extent of the backlash. Too little, too late.

Read more:

Marriott hotel in US withdraws blame-the-victim defense in gunpoint parking ramp rape (Associated Press)

Marriott is a Disgrace: A Loyal Marriotteer No More (blog post on Dirt & Noise)

I blame American women, who are all potentially mothers!

This one’s from a commenter! No, the commenter hirself was lovely (thanks for the tip, RB!). It’s NPR’s Marketplace’s David Frum with the Daily Fail of mother-blame.

David Frum says “Health care? Who needs health care? Just follow my Four Simple Steps That No One’s Ever Thought Of BeforeTM!” And number four (which he prefaces with “Above all”! thanks for that pedestal, David!) places the US’s abysmal infant mortality rate squarely on the shoulders of mothers — wait, not just mothers, all women of potentially childbearing age! (We presume he means cis women with functioning uteri — trans, intersex, or lacking potential fertility? David Frum apparently doesn’t believe you’re a woman. Note also the way he doesn’t limit it to those in or potentially in sexual relationships with [potentially fertile and cis!] men — no, apparently it doesn’t matter if you’re celibate, childfree, lesbian, or otherwise uninterested in personally procreating via pregnancy or with no chance of conceiving without forethought. No, you, as a “[fertile cis] woman of childbearing age” are always to be considered available for the seed of Man. Abortion apparently doesn’t exist in David Frum’s world either.)

Anyway, back to blaming the mother: America’s shameful infant mortality rates apparently have nothing to do with the overall shameful health of American (fertile cis) women from our lack of access to health care, nothing to do with the class disparity in this country, nothing to do with the race disparity in this country, nothing to do with the cycle of poverty, nothing to do with the barriers in the way of many women getting living wages, healthy food, and good education, nothing to do with the 5 minute visits and battery of useless tests that pass for “prenatal care”, nothing to do with the criminal cesarean rates… nope, it’s all because American cis women of childbearing age apparently scarf narcotics, nicotine, donuts, dope, and dirty, dirty dick willy-nilly.

Will we ever learn?