Paedophiles – whose fault? Guess.

I’ve never come across Helen Rumbelow before. I hope to goodness I never do again. For apparently, paedophiles are all our fault as mothers.

According to Ms Rumbelow:

For a day I sat with the detectives — all male, bar one — at the headquarters of the Child Exploitation and Online Protection Centre in London, as they trawled through the hundreds of thousands of images, videos and transcripts of online chat …

The perpetrators are overwhelmingly Western white males, and the victims are mostly female. … But there is something else that catches your eye in the corner of the frame: the ignorance of women.

So there we have it. It’s our ignorance that gets our children abused online. It’s not, you know, the people that do it. Nope. Not them. I mean, they can’t help it, can they?

When one man, posing as a teenager on a social networking site, pressured a schoolgirl to lift her shirt for him, you saw her checking her back. While sitting at the family computer in the middle-class living room, her mother kept walking in and out, and the girl picked the moment when her mum’s back was, literally, turned.

Yes, mothers – don’t blink. Don’t look away. Don’t turn your back. And don’t blink.  Because, if you do, it will all be your fault when something terrible happens. Heaven forbid you, you know, walk in and out, you know, doing things.

And “middle class living room“? Hey, be careful mothers with a Volvo parked out front – it can happen to you, it’s not just the working classes! Quick! Step away from polishing the John Lewis mahogany table and go and watch your daughter immediately!

In another case the pink bedroom where a male relative filmed the abuse — police tracked thousands of images for six years before they saved this girl — could not have been decorated by anyone other than an indulgent mother, so feminine and fond was the provision of pink cushions and knick-knacks.

Pink cushions and knick-knacks!? You’re just asking for a paedo to abuse your girl with those furnishings! Don’t indulge your daughter! Go for regulation coral from Laura Ashley (to match your middle class living room) and she’ll be fine! You didn’t realise that decorating your daughter’s bedroom makes it your fault if she’s abused?

Another man, to prove to his online friends that he had access to a baby to abuse, posted online a family snap he took of his daughter’s first birthday. There is his baby in their shiny kitchen, her unwitting mother staring at the camera with a smile full of love.

It’s the mother’s fault she didn’t suspect her partner of abusing their child? It’s her fault for saying “cheese” when he took a snap for the family album? She should have been looking with eyes of suspicion, like we should all look at our partners, if they’re male, because it’s our duty to suspect them of being paedophiles? (And, what is with Ms R’s obsession with furnishings – “shiny kitchen”? Because abuse normally happens in drab, working class kitchens? What?)

Of course female paedophiles exist — in less than 5 per cent of cases. And yes, the internet’s special talent is to bring together people with rare predilections, horribly so for Vanessa George and Angela Allen. But don’t let the shock of the uncommon blind you to who is a more likely threat to your child. Don’t be the woman in the corner of the room, back turned.

Ah, but be careful, lest you spend too long suspecting the men in your life. Because then it’ll be your fault for being a man-hater, too.

The abusers, of course, don’t have any responsibility for what they’ve done. No, it’s the mothers.


10 Responses

  1. I think I’m going to be sick.

  2. Seems to me the only appropriate thing for a mother to do is to become a separatist lesbian. Then the Times would love us. Oh, wait…

    I love what you’ve done with the tags. I don’t love anything else at all. What a fucking dreadful world.

  3. I’d laugh if it wasn’t so sad. That’s a great case of mother-blaming if ever I saw one.


  4. “Soft furnishings are a key indicator of paedophile activity” – brilliant!

  5. Ah yes how convenient to have one half of the human race 110% and yes I mean 110% responsible for men’s behaviour and pseudo belief it is their male sex right to have sexual access to any woman or child. 110% because women cannot be blamed sufficiently enough. Remember Josef Fritzl, the man who committed serial rape against his wife’s daughter, guess who was blamed? Why Fritzl’s mother of course.

    CEOP is not interested in preventing men who commit child abuse, no they are only intent on promoting women-hatred and excusing men who commit child sexual violence.

    Which is why that old, old myth ‘women commit child sexual violence in equal numbers to men, only difference is these women are never charged or prosecuted. Fact is a number of research has been conducted on female child abuse offenders and the statistics have remained constant at between 5-10% whereas it continues to be disproportionately males who commit sexual crimes against women and children.

    I wonder if CEOP have even considered how and why so many males believe it is their pseudo sex right to women and girls. Patriarchal society perhaps? No, far better to blame women and/or feminism.

    Yes some women do commit child sexual violence against children but we need to see beyond the misogyny which deliberately hides male accountability. Commonly when men are charged and prosecuted the media ignores these cases because they are not sufficiently ‘sexually sensationalist’ whereas the Vanessa George is not only ‘sexy it also provides misogynistic media an excellent change to indulge in male hysteria and women-blaming.

    The Vatican too, recently issued a statement blaming women and feminism for the supposed ‘erosion of manhood and thereby creating a trope of male priests who, poor things, simply cannot help themselves from committing sexual violence against children and women.

    See – it is so easy to scapegoat women because we live in a male-dominated and male supremacist society. Oh look – I’m apparently blaming men again – no rather our male supremacist society excuses, minimalises and justifies male sexual violence against women and children.

    I blame patriarchal society which promotes myth men but not women are human and men have the pseudo innate right of sexual access to any woman or child, unless patriarchal society declares such actions to be ‘paedophilic.’

    Wrong – paedophiles is a deliberate mis use of the term because most males who commit child sexual violence are not totally fixated on young children, rather they have or have been involved in adult heterosexual relationships but believe their ‘male sex right’ allows them to have sexual access to any woman or child.

    Paedophilia means a sexual interest in children alone, not a sexual interest in children and women. But terming males who commit sexual violence against children as ‘paedophiles’ allows our soceity to see them as ‘other’ or ‘different from normal respectable men.’

    Reality is, men who commit sexual violence against women and children are no different from other normal ‘respectable men.’ Witness Polanski who raped a 13 year old girl. Polanski used classic manipulation and cunning in order to gain access to a child and Polanski deceived the mother into believing he was a ‘respectable man.’ But, no we must never examine the methods which ‘respectable men’ use to gain sexual access to children, far better to blame women for not using their innate intuition (sic) in order to sense whether or not a ‘respectable man’ has or will commit sexual violence against her child/children.

  6. Apart from deflecting attention from the abuser, I notice the writer is giving mothers SOLE responsibility. No sense that fathers should know what their teenage daughters are doing, or that communities are failing abused children. Just mum, all on her own, is supposed to fight abusers.

  7. the girl picked the moment when her mum’s back was, literally, turned.

    All this says to me is that the girl – like most teenagers – knows how to get free of parental supervision in order to make her own mistakes. And yet somehow it’s an example of the mother being clueless? If the mother had her eyeballs on the daughter every second of the day, the column would be about cottonwool parenting and how it damages children…

  8. Great post! And great blog too…I just found it and I love it! What a great idea….and SO many examples out there of so much BS. Isn’t it amazing how mothers are simultaneously revered and blamed for everything. But hey, ladies, stop stressing yourselves out trying to be perfect–why do you put so much pressure on yourselves.. Hmmm….why???

  9. living rooms should be decorated with style that is why i always get some living room decoration idea on the internet **,

  10. […] it’s not teh intarwebz without ONOZ TEH PEDOPHILES, we leave off with Ruth Moss’s Paedophiles — whose fault? Guess. There’s a reason I love her (platonically, […]

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